crimson sky and dusky evening

In continuation to the former post, here I write about the 'feeling in my gut'

When the sky is crimson but making my room little dark, when my bed smells of me and i smell of my bed...when the evening looks bright but the cloud looks like my smudged kohl

I feel the wrenched evening when i sat and dreamt will give way to stark dusk..and sooner to pithch charcoal night.

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I watch the ivy green leaves and the black branch, it is lingering on to...it is drizzling, and the branch looks more black...i go perky on the becoming contrast of beautiful colors. The color of red ball, which a kid is holding; the paper boats which carelessly float and gets stuck to the deserted basil plant; I also watch the old, yellow and tattered copy of Anna Kareninna on my bed side and smell its pages...I stand up and drink the earthy water and try to smell the fragrance of earthen pot...I watch the dimly lit living room and fall in love with the blue ceiling and my pink couch. I sit near the window and see the basil plant swaying with the wind, I also see the thick clouds blanketing the sky and wind turning the umbrellas....I thought of my arguable inability to sketch and strum the chords of guitar. If I were good at sketching, I would have captured everything. I also thought of humming - sound of silence,

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision

Which was planted in my brain

Still remains

In the sound of silence

Discerning the thoughts, feelings and the vision... I play on

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Night was quite something, I wanted :)
I read, re read Anna Kareninna....watched legally blond again (do not know which nth time), laughed to hilt...Friends told me not to cook, for we had a small party. I was glad!

Everybody came late, we ate and laughed...and I blissfully went to sleep.

Right now......

Right now I want to lie in my cosy bed, with music playing on a volume high enough to make me feel something is playing on and low enough to make me blissfully doze off.

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A way to evade the usual schedule is to take break from the montony of life..all said and done, people go for travelling here and there....no, m not thinking about another vacation.....I am in a state of nostalgia, or may be I feel subtle and poetic.

I will probably write post lunch something about my feeling- the nostalgia that evoked a sudden desire of taking an early leave from the workplace and doing whatevva pleases me..no occasion, no date, or maybe a solitary date with myself!

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I remember my series of solitary dates, when I've done whatever I felt like doing. I dug myself to my favourite books, choco-hooked myself, took no calls, allowed no disturbances, daydreamed, didn't check on my etiquettes, didn't mind my language when I penned down something, didn't care about neighbours and played loud, didn't give a damn to the calories intake when I gorged playfully.

Right now I feel the same..and I will be doing the same :)

Fashion's worst trends follow

I was busy flipping the file and all of a sudden overheard two other faculties discussing the tragic death of a model. That arose a slight curiosity laden with an apprehension. The story that was typecast in the television later was something I should not have seen. Practically, yellow journalism, and periodically a TV TRP booster, where only stories sell (truth or not is not arte the fact).

Young, single, successful and attractive- amounts to loneliness and suicidal tendencies. This was the end result after the series of model suicides was analysed, discussed and reproduced. Does this really happen? I was zapped when I saw people commenting on the image a model carries, tarnish and assassinate her character and then prophese that their promiscuous afterlives end and then depressed+frustrated+shattered they commit suicide. A modelling career, without even stating, is looked upon as success after compromises. A successful model/actor is thought to be a loner. The preconceived notions have even made TV reporters of aaj tk, NDTV, Indiatimes etc to state spicy and bitchy headlines which would hurl moolah and ofcourse raise TRPs.

Suicides' prevalence in the industry, inadvertently means a lot of other things also. On the other side, there are successful corporate woman, artists, fashion divas etc who are young, single, successful and not necessarily lonely. It is rather, a myth that people who are on top are lonely. The only thing that is on one's mind is not the ever nudging and intruding media, which makes a vulnerable section more sensitivity prone. Tragic deaths of Nafisa Joseph, Kuljeet Randhwa were also aired in the same way. It was even said that death of Kuljeet follwed Nafisa's and they were friends.

The tragic suicides were showcased like model's career goes for a deathrow. There are lot of parents who are apprehensive and then dead against of a modelling career for their child. They fear that their child will grow to become a lonely, sulking, insecured and angst laden; which is grossy unfair and bluntly false.

A person who develops suicidal tendencies does not necessarily be successful. I have known countless students who tried to commit suicide, went senile, became depressed due to exams. I have seen fearless corporates who drink to forget woes, drink to celebrate, dope to elevate their moods and eat quietly at home with family for a peaceful night. Can you draw any connection? Can you figure out why a modelling ally is looked upon?

If  a model is murdered, a Jessica Lal case..what is drawn there? You have a fucking poll on aaj tak asking what do u think the probability of justice can be. And the murderer roams free.

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The crux of the matter is simple.

• Media sucks- All who are a part of it, please do something that imparts knowledge, gives facts and enlightens. Leave the part of entertainment for Ekta Kapoor. Not your arsenal. If TRP is your concern, then the idea of Johannes Gutenberg stands defeated.
• Anyone who is a top model is not necessarily a slut, loner and available.
• A modelling career does not insinuate dope in your veins.
• Reengineering is required for all top notch news channels, new reporters and ofcourse the creative head.
• News does not amuse people, when it takes the form of prolonged intrusion in somebody's life.

This is dedicated to all souls, who have finished their journey here because of their own/personal reasons. The fashion obituary is the worst fashion trend we would like to see ever. May God give strength to the souls which succumb to the harsh circumstances and embrace death.

Things I always wanted as a kid

When we were kids we wanted so many things to go our way. I have a quick list of things, I wanted to be by my side; things I wanted to happen + implement; and People I wanted to evade:


1. I wanted 'Santa' for myself

I used to guffaw, why Santa goes on giving gifts to the kids, when he knows that some kids never deserved it. So, I use to wonder, maybe I will help him realize who to consider and whom to not. Maybe after the Santa comes and stays with me my teachers, classmates, friends etc would get more impressed and favor me :)

2. I wanted my Maths teacher to vanish, or I wanted somebody who would kidnap her and never send her back 2 school.

No, there is no similarity...but I always dreaded maths and my maths teacher coz she was so strict and I understood nothing when there was numbers. I had to sit quiet in the class, evading every glance of her. I waited, used to pray that she does not make out that I was understanding nothing out of those venomous numbers, alzebra, all kind of computations....Thank you lord, for I am out of it!

3. I wanted a house of chocolate for myself. (I still want)

Something close to this :) :) (no explanation required i believe) ;)

4. I wanted to meet Tom and Jerry.

I used to find Tom and Jerry to be stars of Television. Jerry- intelligent and cute and I felt sorry for Tom sometimes...So I wanted to see & meet them.

5. Home alone: For all the restrictions imposed that as a kid  ur not supposed to go anywhere...or do whatever u wish, trust me, I wanted my parents to go on a long holiday..leaving me behind and I would emerge like 'the home alone' kid..superrrkid !

 

 

Quizzeria

This is interesting, try doing it with ur favorite singer/band.

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Answer the following questions using name of songs of only one singer. You can choose the singer.


Singer- Pink Floyd

1. Right now you feel- One of these days
2. Life is-    Learning to fly
3. Love is-   Pillow of winds
4. You are-  Fearless
5. Your best friend is- Lost for words
6. Your vice is-  A saucerful of secrets
7. Pleasure for you is-  Remember a day
8. Favorite color- Any color u like
9. Fruit- Apples and oranges
10. You will die if you don't-  Breathe
11. Your love song- Wish u were here
12. Soulmates are- Two suns in the sunset
13. Swearword- What's uh the deal?
14. You hate- Sorrow
15. Sport- Seesaw
16. Dirty- Pigs
17. Success- One of my turns
18. God is- Mother
19. Happiness- great gig in sky
20. You avoid- Brain damage
21. You will- Keep talking
22. Precious- Time
23. Can't get enough- The happiest days of our life
24. Last thing you would do- Have a cigar
25. When a zombie chases, you will- Run like hell

You had a break up?

It is not easy to fall in love, more difficult to maintain and hurtful to come out.. this is what we have always known. I spoke to a very close friend, who has had a terrible break up..sad... and this is how i came up with sharing few tips you can follow post ur heart breaks...


For men, it is not pretty simple if they are dumped. They tend to lose their mind and sometimes add insult to injury. The bottoline is, This is not the end (I am serious)

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• 
  
  First and the foremost, please do not listen to break up songs ala unbreak my heart or since u r gone...and similar stuff.... instead, update your player with- my happy ending! trust me it is not difficult to be all alive and kicking even when u've been kicked in all wrong places.
• 
  
  DO NOT and NEVER block/delete ur ex from your social networking profiles. This will increase ur pain...try visiting their profile more, see what they are doing and repeat 10 times- Oh! C'mon you were never good enough for me OR good riddance. and sneaking and checking what they r doing will make u feel better.
• 
  
  Thank God because now u have more free time, more friends to attend to, more hasslefree parties/outings, much MORE money to splurge and time to do things u always wanted to do.

courtsey: cobb's blog.

• 
  
  Do not start desperate search for next love. please understand u gotta enjoy this phase before it fades. a desperate search will make u a moronic idol leaching at others. so get a life larger than this.
• 
  
  Go to the places, pubs, discs, theatres etc where u used to go with ur ex..a break up doesn't mean u have to get a licence renewal to enter the forbidden zone of heart.
• 
  
  Start thinking that it is a transition from break-up to breakfree 
• 
  
  Do not talk about your break up with ur friend (s)/best friend etc..please no inspiration from sex and city and similar soaps, movies...it is personal and no hell would break loose if u abandon discussions on it. save urself from further heart burns. I'll give u an example-                                                                                                                                    

you: sob sob narration of ur break up story.                                                                          

friend: gosh, that is bad..i feel awful, terrible...what are u gonna do now. Im with u, don't worry etc etc...                                                                                                                you will start believing that your plight is as mad as hatter (just like the counseling done) urgh

• 
  
  Use your gourd rather than ur lovelorn instintual heart to understand that u don't have to come out of anything...it should be a buh-bye from ur side (understanding 'buh' and 'bye' at the same time is important)
• 
  
  Google the best break up quotes, read them and feel like the lucky bitch who just escaped from a stray dog.
• 
  
  Buy yourself the best things- playstation, change ur wardrobe, books, and any and everything u like.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, so are you.

Is love (affair) complicated?

A letter I've come across...just wanted to share and tell u how complicated simple relations have become...my my , an unrequitted love (may call). I know it will call for flashbacks for a lot of you. enjoy reading.....


hi angel!







i hope ur gud and loving ur life :)


we cud not talk all these days and u r unaware of what is happening here with me. so  (instead of calling) i wanted to write everything to u. 


i didn't tell u but at the outset of april, love started brewing in my life. by that time my parents finalized some guy for me, it was just too late for anything. initially i thought, for my parents' sake i'll quit and will forget everything and will get married.

however, my love interest realized we shouldn't be doing this and should follow our heart(s) which (ofcourse) raised a hurricane.  i am not giving u the explicit details still i guess this is a drawn out content. i told my parents that i don't want to get married, for which they have not expressed happiness. The guy, who was finalized is outta it (all mess) but my love interest has professed that NOW there is a lot of agony and pain in this. I feel plain stupid. I am so like dumbass, couldn't use my head??
Forget it, in the matter of hearts where is mind to play? 

so, the entire thing is very messy and people are way to adamant to let our relationship go ahead so we have mutually decided and have set our ways apart. However, i won't even call it a discussion..he was cold enough to shrug off and say we have other (important) things to take care of and everything will be fine...u stay happy.. happy???? balls, u gotto be kidding me..where was the idea of 'my happiness' before. anyway, let us chuck this here. I feel I've got deeply involved in something which was so much like (maybe) a passing affair...or platonic love (God, it exists??), amour et al
which was way too painful, resentful, and agonizing. but i have moved on. he has also moved on (angel, m surprised to c, is it so easy for men to MOVE ON??).
i don't know, m non plussed, feel exhausted and terrible. have not even spoken to anyone about it, even him, coz I can't allow myself  to speak to him after seeing his coldness towards the matter. might be, its a way of coming out of it.




it is quite early to feel that i am out of it. so (probably) im taking my own  time to come out of this situation and him. i am fine and missing u a lot.
gosh! don't know wat all crap i've written but this extensive mail is the end result of an unsuccesssful love, which started with peanut butter taste and finished like awful marmite in mouth.






don't worry about me. i feel better after writing to u.
love u lots n miss ya.


-ur lovelorn friend
P.S. FUCK Love stories

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" In three words I can sum up LIFE - It goes on"  :) :) amour amour