Monday, August 29, 2011

Man Only!

My stint with men has been quite instructive. I think, categorically this is what I could cull out from my experience with the good, bad and ugly.
This is a general spoof written with no offence meant to any one in particular or any region/state a person resides in.

For fun sake only, read on:

1. Stupid & Pathetic Men: Normally born and raised in Delhi but with a majority ethnic background of Rajasthan, U.P. or Haryana. Usually found sporting large scruffy hair-do or a goatee/soul patch. He will always feel himself to be dude, speaks wrong English (no wait, pathetic English) and thinks he is every damsel’s knight in shining armor…whatever! And bah! Often found wearing cut-sleeves shirts or loud/vibrant colored tees. He will play loud music while driving car, will often look like out of snow-powdered facial lifts, likes Panjabi Music (Hip-hop & Rap are personal favorite) and habitually mistakes noise for music. He is more often than not seen with women of a similar tribe and background if not a groupie. These kinds of men get attracted to smart, independent and beautiful women (not their fault). But always get vehemently rejected by the sensible women. Women often label them as an insult to intelligence.
Catchy trait for them includes: Lecherous, Pervert, Sick, Extravagant, Ostentatious, Dumb-witted, Hardly sensible, Poor at English, Over-confident, Loser, etc

2. Hard-working Men: A home-grown boy, who generally loves shopping at alcove, spends time with family and works hard at his part time stint at various job(s). He speaks English with a thick consonant sound and worships daily. Generally not found to be good looking, but if they are attractive they struggle for the film-industry. These men are not just God fearing but dreads female power. So they hardly turn out to be faltering in a commitment/relationship. These men get frustrated in their mid-life and often resort to alcohol.


3. Nerdy Men: He aspires to become a learned man with high end interest in mandatory one (or more) musical instrument, art/craft or public speaking. He accompanies for un-manly activities like shopping, knitting, sewing and et al. He is usually friendly with people of all states, region, religion etc and speaks correct English. A nerd will always think Eminem and Beatles are the coolest to have ever been born but know nothing about the history and purpose of the genre. Sometimes, he is confined to a life of celibacy and is a perfect candidate for being a corporate slave in the future.

4. Business tycoons: I personally avoid and ignore these men. They are normally self employed or run the family business and have the same circle of friends since high school. Normally lacking in social skills, they make up for this by installing the latest bass tube and 23” alloy wheels on their car, which invariably is a Santro/Alto. Music choices are mostly Punjabi apart from other seemingly popular artists such as Akon, whose lyrics might not mean much but the bass is always nice. They are by and large married by the age of 23-24 thanks to family connections.

5. Work-out-aholics: These men are normally found wearing body fit T-shirts and walking with their arms as tense aping Salman Khan. They drive expensive cars, speak fractured English and are also seen wearing dark glasses no matter what the time of day is.

6. The Rich Brat: And finally the rich brat, who has a bit of everything from the above mentioned categories along with being educated abroad. They are mostly found in prison or in hell after crashing their BMW on a night of heavy partying.

7. Mumma's Boy:  These men have never taken any decision in their life. They look up to their mum for everything even after they have laid countless women. They claim not having seen any one better than their mom and therefore get refused/rejected, avoided and even beaten by their partners! They lack the common sense of not equating the motherly love with amour and et al.

8. Thoughtful & Generous:  These men are mostly from hinterlands of Bengal, Assam etc and have been pensive about freedom and the ideas floating around liberation. They are often attracted by art exhibitions, listen to raw form of music and experiment with almost everything in life.

9. Loner:  These men are one of the most dangerous. They are big time cribber once they find company. people have general tendency of evading the ordeal of their mindless and so-called tear jerker stories. They crave for sympathy and feel left out often. They make the females' life miserable with their grief and sentiments.

10. The smart and intelligent men: These kinds of men have obvious advantages when it comes to meeting important objectives even if their Good looks and Rich columns remain blank. They are preferred by intelligent, sensible and independent women. They are mostly preferred by the upper middle class families in India. They talk sense, are hard to impress and look out for brains than beauty. They are generally smoking hot property in school when they crack thorny entrances like JEE, AIIMS etc and are mostly sought after they get a >6-7 figure salary job.