Few days back I felt awful about something. There was a very good friend of mine who turned into one of those blighted characters who do nothing but devastate. I noticed that long back but after a hearty conversation with a close pal I realized how despicable he has become. Somehow learning and accepting the ‘forgive and forget’ story has been very difficult for me. I have never been able to bring my head round to this idea of first forgiving the contemptible act and then forgetting that.
My prodigal friend does it again. He has always been this dissolute. He would do things utterly wasteful and take it for granted that he will be forgiven. I have often given forgiveness a thought and have tried to implement. But here in this situation I think I will pass. I thought and re-thought, groaned inwardly and even made mincemeats of my principles. I knew, not forgiving this person will later lather me in my own guilt. But I was ready to take chances. My head felt heavy. Every good memory with this friend played slideshow in my heart. I have to do it – I thought. I have to throw this person out of my life and for good.
After my much contemplated arguments and theories settled, I felt him as a yoke around my neck. So I decided I am going to cleanse my mind and heart of his misdoing or whatever. I felt my burning temples caused by my incensed mind go frantic. If I have decided to snip any further contact with this person I should let him know. I can’t just be angry at his obnoxious behavior and then when we cross path sometimes later, he shouldn’t expect any exchange of pleasantries. So I wrote to him stating how thoughtless his actions were, how hollow his ideas are about me and how much of a thankless job he has done as a friend. After writing to him, I felt very light. My circumscribed thoughts ran all over and patted my back for letting go of my anger and letting go of an ugly scar.
I wish he also trims his bloated existence on others and gets a worthy life. Isn’t goodness supposed to spread through osmosis?
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