2012: The year it was.....

The day looks quite sullen at work. My office people are mostly on leave because of New Year, Christmas and winter vacation. Their absence makes the office look like one of the deserted islands. Since morning, I have spent spades of time in the pantry…just sipping coffee, then soup and sometimes hot water.


They said the world will end in Dec 2012, nothing happened. I do not know whether to be happy about this or be sad. The year is definitely not ending at right time. It would have been okay if the world vanished and we never had to come across the heinous crimes committed by our own people. I thought so many times, there were so many arguments which raced in my heart and there is so much disgust for the mankind that is waiting to erupt from the volcano of my heart. This world is such a sickening place to be today…

The Indian brave heart passes away after going through so much pain and anguish. Her body suffered so many bruises, she survived so much abuse and yet she had the will to live. We, towards the end of every year, have so proudly been affirming and acknowledging the emancipation of women and the shoulder to shoulder growth of females. It seems this liberation has become the yoke around her neck.

I am not happy at the way I am seeing the dawn of 2013. I’m angry and disgusted, and in this rather restricted pallet it is impossible to instill hope. It usually takes one incident to galvanize people but now with the series of brutal acts – one more grisly than the other… I wonder how long it will take to gain sanity again. Probable never… maybe by now we have trained ourselves to shrug and take everything in our stride…

A prodigal friend

Few days back I felt awful about something. There was a very good friend of mine who turned into one of those blighted characters who do nothing but devastate. I noticed that long back but after a hearty conversation with a close pal I realized how despicable he has become. Somehow learning and accepting the ‘forgive and forget’ story has been very difficult for me. I have never been able to bring my head round to this idea of first forgiving the contemptible act and then forgetting that.


My prodigal friend does it again. He has always been this dissolute. He would do things utterly wasteful and take it for granted that he will be forgiven. I have often given forgiveness a thought and have tried to implement. But here in this situation I think I will pass. I thought and re-thought, groaned inwardly and even made mincemeats of my principles. I knew, not forgiving this person will later lather me in my own guilt. But I was ready to take chances. My head felt heavy. Every good memory with this friend played slideshow in my heart. I have to do it – I thought. I have to throw this person out of my life and for good.

After my much contemplated arguments and theories settled, I felt him as a yoke around my neck. So I decided I am going to cleanse my mind and heart of his misdoing or whatever. I felt my burning temples caused by my incensed mind go frantic. If I have decided to snip any further contact with this person I should let him know. I can’t just be angry at his obnoxious behavior and then when we cross path sometimes later, he shouldn’t expect any exchange of pleasantries. So I wrote to him stating how thoughtless his actions were, how hollow his ideas are about me and how much of a thankless job he has done as a friend. After writing to him, I felt very light. My circumscribed thoughts ran all over and patted my back for letting go of my anger and letting go of an ugly scar.

I wish he also trims his bloated existence on others and gets a worthy life. Isn’t goodness supposed to spread through osmosis?