Showing posts with label Another Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Another Day. Show all posts

Friday, January 17, 2014

The trouble in paradise

I met a friend sometimes back, let’s call her Jasmine. She looked quite the same, except that she had put on a lot of weight and had put on some make-up to conceal those freckles which appeared before time. Time isn’t always the best healer, I thought… she smiled at me as if she understood the underlying thoughts. I started some conversation fleetingly so that there is no discomfort in the air. She sensed that, I suppose and she told me that things aren’t right with her and there is trouble in her paradise.
I was not shocked or taken aback because she has been throwing hints on her rocky marriage to me for quite sometimes now. He doesn’t listen, doesn’t care anymore, has lost his sensitivity, there is no charm etc etc. I was baffled by the series of whines. My concern wasn’t her only marriage, my concern was also the hundreds of marriages which were breaking every day. I shifted my gaze to her and asked “Did you try hard enough to make it work?” she was too angry to respond and it was plausible. According to her, is she the only one responsible to make it work? Aren’t they partners? Or aren’t they soul mates? Aren’t they supposed to work it out ‘together’?
There are number of ways to get your marriage from hard rocks to a gentle walk in the park, they say. You go see a marriage counsellor, talk to friends, enable healthy communication; you see there are so many ways to skin the cat. But the bottom line is- why isn’t it working for you? Majority thought they tried enough and their partner is not into them anymore so it’s better for them to part ways. My question is what drew you apart in the first place? I understand if someone wants to come out of an abusive relationship, or cheating partners or infidelity but people splitting because the chemistry isn’t glistening anymore and not blinding anyone with the neon flashes like it did in the beginning is way beyond my understanding. I also fail to understand why it becomes a matter of ego; he didn’t talk first, she didn’t help in rekindling the romance, he isn’t trying hard and et al.
On the flipside… maybe you should have had the chance to change/replace your siblings too. Umm let me see, the reason could be that they were not giving you enough space. They didn’t have good toilet etiquettes. Better if you could choose/replace/leave parents too. The earlier ones were too complaining and dissatisfied. Mother was too domesticated. She was not ambitious, we couldn’t relate. Parents were not progressive either. Sounds convenient?
 I told Jasmine the same thing I am gonna write here. “You didn’t try hard enough”. I understand your marriage is rocky and stormy and it is beyond repair, but you can’t choose a port in storm. Can you? I told her that she is opting the easy way out. Love is reverence and worship. It is not a bandage for your dirty sores. You can’t make a love stew out of contempt and indifference. Once you are capable of love, you are incapable of anything less.
Divorce is an easy way to end a stormy relationship; hard part is to stay in the storm and save each other from getting wrecked. And we don’t try hard enough to save each other, because perhaps while taking our vows we never take the vow seriously which binds the couple in a unit. They become a unit, sans ego. They are like the beautiful pair of urchins, which flies gleefully in the sky and fades away together. Marriage is not easy, if you want easy do not get married. If you get married; bear, bow, accept – and be grateful God has given you a chance to love beyond means.

Friday, September 6, 2013

A birthday to remember

I thought to myself today if I have become a grown-up. I wondered if now I am supposed to have that regal poise when I talk about me or when somebody asks me what I want for my birthday.

 The thought arose when my birthday just went by and I didn't feel sad about it. I remember, when I was a child my birthdays were of supreme importance. Anything else around my birthday was a mere footnote in time. And anyone who forgot wishing me was temporarily ticked off my list and how I always thought of myself as the queen in one of the ferret fantasies and foibles. I would always think of my birthdays as the astrally blithed days when everybody around me would look cosmically and eternally happy. And now when I turn 28, I am not a child anymore! 

Life is strange in its own ways. You feel bogged down by petty things.  Like yesterday, I felt awful about something.  I didn't know what. Since morning my day was dripping boredom.  One incident dangling from another made my sloppy mood grow bigger.  I behaved erratically with V also.  I lamented growing up to have become like this. 

The only incentive of growing up is perhaps having V in my life. Thank you Lord for small mercies! 

Happy birthday to me after all :)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

When I took 'Wake up and smell the coffee' too seriously

When I was leaving for work, it started to rain. It being a Saturday, the traffic was smooth and to appease me further it looked beautiful outside.

Spots on the drenched road shone like moonlight. We stopped at a signal and I saw a girl with a blue umbrella... The umbrella flew with the wind, handle broke and a part ripped a little. She tried hard to contain the last straw to help herself from getting soaked in rain. I looked at her and smiled while she tried hard ensuring her umbrella doesn't defy gravity.

We moved on, reached office. I wasn't happy about coming to work, not on saturday. and I guess happy is too a 'glint' word here with the organizational politics brewing at my workplace. I took a heavy sigh, spoke to few colleagues.

I am definitely not in a mood to work... Tepid coffee at work wasn't doing the needful. I wanted it to fill me with peace and wistfullness.

The politics here has started to grow and it is pricking like an icicle. I wanted that cup of coffee to thaw this stubborn, clump of jagged icicle inside me.
Oh! how I wish... And i work for a development sector!

Life is too short, I will pick my ironies whenever I see them.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Jaded Fuck

Today while my cabbie drove me hovering over potholes, scraping against hordes of vehicles, impassively crossing the traffic signals, breaching every damn traffic law and hurtling towards all those monstrous trucks I realized how it feels when you are having a cardiac arrest.
You gather ‘Numb’ is not just a Pink Floyd number and ‘Jaded Fuck’ is not just a stupid display on 8-Bit video game... Here sometimes the day opens like Venus flytrap... It is intense, roaring, jostling with unnerving energy and pulling everyone inside the macabre truth of life. And some other day it is like a drugged animal, which runs out without its vigor.
Such is life!

PS. I wrote 'Jaded Fuck' because I was watching Dexter (the TV series) the other night and Debra (a charater) in the series says Fuck ten times in two sentences. One of my favorite conversations that Dexter (main protagnist, serial killer) and Debra (Dexter's sister) have is:
Debra: "Fuck!"...
"You will have to fucking kill Hanna.... she fucking fits the code"
Debra breathes heavily and reinstates "She is a fucking monster"
Dexter: "She means no harm and she is innocent"
He gasps at her and tries to conceal his emotions
Debra: "Oh my God, are you fucking her?" Fuck
Dexter: "I can explain"
Debra: "Don't explain, I know what fucking is"
She motions rapidly towards him and hurls a scorning glance
"Why the fuck you like her ?"
" Is it some fucking serial killer shit, binding you two?"
And I was wondering why do you use 'Fuck' so many times.
'Jaded Fuck' duh....

*********

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Much ado about nothing?

X: "The birth day greeting your department sends is good"

Me: "Appreciate you like it"
Trying to cut the conversation short for I had to rush to a meeting

X: "You know our team is very new"

Me: "Yea .. ofcourse I know"
Forcing a smile now.. And wondering where is he going with this.

X: "So I was wondering if the greeting could contain little bit on the person... their department details and their picture...."

Me: "Mmm Are you picturing a birth day greeting with employee's work details?"
Looking at him with angst for wasting my time for such an
injudicious suggestion

X: "Haha... No I thought it will aquaint my team with people who sits with us"

Me: "I see, so why don't you start with getting up from your desk and saying hello to neighbors"

X stares at me with contempt
I give him an exultant grin!

*********************

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

As you dislike it

I was scheduling a training program at work. It is one messy job to begin with. You try talking everyone into a common time, which should match with the facilitator, you write polite emails requesting them to do their good and you even drill those mean heretics to follow your norms. It is exhausting!

You send them meeting invites; appointment request and even polite emails pleading a confirmation in the end, but to your dismay you end up meeting them or calling them to see who is turning up and who is not. How difficult is it for the people to write a one-line email/confirmation.

After receiving my polite invite somebody at work walks up to me and asks with discern if it rains will this useless lecture be canceled? I knew I was giving caviar to the general… I looked at his face which still had the grin he flogged while asking that question and I imagined tying him to a stake and shooting full arrows like Saint Sebastian. I smiled at my vivid visual and said “No” with pressed mouth.

I am too tired of basic lack of etiquettes and the thankless attitude of people. How I wish Miss Manners could float away their impertinence in her magic carpet.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hmm.....

I have started doodling at work again. Not that I don’t have work, have plenty … but you know how things get sometimes. I was going through few documents which I was supposed to scan. They were old yellow and torn papers which looked like dried leaf from a distance and I held it gingerly fearing it will scatter like the dry leaf.


I re-filled my lemon tea. This time of the day apart from my usual diet coffee at work I feel a strong urge to have lemon tea. It is little sweet at the dispensing machine, but I add extra hot water to remove the sweetness.

The weather is quite good these days because of monsoon. The sky more often than not looks misty and cloudy. Sometimes it gets smoky black giving a dusky appearance and turning everything in sepia cam-shot. It looks beautiful. My desk gives a view of outside so I can see when it suddenly breaks into a showery rain.

V is finally back and I am over-joyed. I reckon that how joyous I became on realizing that he is there now and not gonna go anywhere. It was so satisfying that I would give away ANY-thing to safeguard the feeling. Guess now I know why people go to all extent for love. It is worth it!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Thank God for small mercies!

I thought of a lot of things in the morning of which I would have written today. But I realize, I am left with half chewed words now. So I will write something off the track. I am still restless, my mood is still frigging volatile and I still feel emptiness because V is not here, with me.

*******
Every night I check face book thinking how people spend spades of time face-booking. The critic in me finds it to be too dreary. Then succumbing to my impatience with face books’ who-did-what, I recourse myself to reading…

Off late I felt I have not being doing intelligent things. I developed this feeling that doing the normal run of the mill stuff will rob me of my rationality. So to ward off the feelings I picked up reading again. These are my sturdy rungs to intellectual redemption.

I watched Packed to the Rafters and was moved again when Julie has tiff with her father and later tells him how she hates it when things are not good between them. It is nice to see these series have characters that are painted in hue similar to ours. And watching them is like watching one act up in different lights.

*******
Yesterday at work, I wanted to have lemon tea. I was longing for it. Thankfully my floor has a vending machine which has the option of lemon tea. But the moment I pushed the buttons only pale yellow colored water came out. I howled in disappointment and showed the pale yellow water in the cup to the pantry boy. He looked apologetic, checked the machine and showed a sorry face. I went back at my desk cursing Murphy’s Law and Man proposes God disposes absurdity.

Few minutes later the same pantry boy came at my desk and gave me a cup of lemon tea. I looked at him in disbelief.

Me: Ye aap kyu le ke aaye? (Why did you get this for me)

Pantry Boy: Aap dukhi ho gaye the madam, stock se ye flavor mil gaya to le aaya. Ek teaspoon shakkar dala hai isme. (You looked so upset. I could find the flavor in the stock so got it for you. I have added 1 teaspoon sugar to it)

Me (overwhelmed with happiness): Thank you so much :)  (I did not know what to say to this noble soul)

Thank you God for small mercies in life!