Days without you: II

I feel like sleeping a lot today… maybe because bhai is here, or maybe because tomorrow I have an off so I could just lay in a corner, read books, eat goodies and sleep again. I wouldn't have to run through rigorous assignments, brain racking HR stuffs and a recent work thing ‘Budgets’. I realized that I hate numbers so anything involving them makes me tired. I love my job, my assignments but when ad-hoc tasks involving numbers land at my desk I go frenzy like kitten on hot tin roof.

I came to terms with a fun fact about me. I realized that I am good at analysis. I always thought I can be used elsewhere but analysis. Seems a new side of me has started liking it. All is well everywhere, except that I feel so incomplete. It is like a certain kind of hollowness which you feel at times. I feel my head like an empty can. Maybe it is because V is not with me… it brings an unsettling gush of restlessness which gets hard to tame. Sometimes life plays foul games with you, where you are an unwilling surfer who waits patiently for the game to get over because they have no choice, but to play.

I am too sleepy so thought will give my sloppy mood sometime so that my usual rebounds. Adios are so irksome. See you soon with a better me.

Days without you: I

Moments pass, days fade and weeks goes by… before we realize it is another day, new week and fresh month. I have been thinking last month, same time that V would go to London and I have so much to do for his stuff and packing and et al. Today he is miles away and I am here.

After coming back from work I watched my usual:  Dharma & Greg, Packed to the Rafters and watching One Tree Hill now. In between I also chatted with family; while I was standing and looking at little eddies of wind which whirled dust and torn rags. For a change, the climate is better than the super-hot yesterday.

Coming back to the television series, Packed to the Rafters is amazing. I love the characters in it. They act and sound so much like my own people. Today when Julie danced with her dad and accepted that he is going senile, I was chocked with emotions. Seeing the duo in the series opened my flood-gates and I felt relieved after I cried my heart out. There was this noise inside my head since V left. This noise didn’t let me sleep and bristle the hair of my back. But now I feel much better.

I laughed my heart out watching Dharma & Greg and Everybody Loves Raymond. I sometimes wonder, what I would do if I were to live without TV or internet or books. BTW I have started reading another one by Erma Bombeck. She writes funny and I love her writing. It is over the top comedy… She is like Martini, shaken but not stirred.

Yesterday ma-in-law made me chocolate yogurt – a choco-berry actually. It was yum. After lunch I felt nice lapping on my dessert. She also gave me some Swiss chocolates to nibble. I was lovelorn and it was chocolate. Need I say more?

My thoughts are running frenzy and I am writing them as they are playing blizzard in my brain. So I am perceptibly ‘phenomenally distracted’. The moon has a faint unsettled band and there is clumsy noise of the vehicles on street. Today I am tactless as well as evasive… Guess my hobby of dabbling in myself has outgrown me!

2012: The year it was.....

The day looks quite sullen at work. My office people are mostly on leave because of New Year, Christmas and winter vacation. Their absence makes the office look like one of the deserted islands. Since morning, I have spent spades of time in the pantry…just sipping coffee, then soup and sometimes hot water.


They said the world will end in Dec 2012, nothing happened. I do not know whether to be happy about this or be sad. The year is definitely not ending at right time. It would have been okay if the world vanished and we never had to come across the heinous crimes committed by our own people. I thought so many times, there were so many arguments which raced in my heart and there is so much disgust for the mankind that is waiting to erupt from the volcano of my heart. This world is such a sickening place to be today…

The Indian brave heart passes away after going through so much pain and anguish. Her body suffered so many bruises, she survived so much abuse and yet she had the will to live. We, towards the end of every year, have so proudly been affirming and acknowledging the emancipation of women and the shoulder to shoulder growth of females. It seems this liberation has become the yoke around her neck.

I am not happy at the way I am seeing the dawn of 2013. I’m angry and disgusted, and in this rather restricted pallet it is impossible to instill hope. It usually takes one incident to galvanize people but now with the series of brutal acts – one more grisly than the other… I wonder how long it will take to gain sanity again. Probable never… maybe by now we have trained ourselves to shrug and take everything in our stride…